And a Partridge in a Pear Tree: Navigating the Holidays as a Blended Family

When visions of the holidays danced in your head, I doubt that dream bubble floating above your head included a scene where you were sipping cider by the fire with the former spouse of your current spouse or a scene where you packed your children's overnight bags and sent them off to celebrate a holiday without you.  

The holidays are a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. However, for blended families, they can also bring unique challenges. With multiple households, extended families, and various traditions to consider, managing everyone's expectations can feel overwhelming. Yet, with open communication, thoughtful planning, and a spirit of flexibility, the holiday season can be a wonderful time for creating new memories together. Here are some tips to help blended families navigate the holidays with grace and ease. 

1. Start with Open Communication

Communication is the foundation for a peaceful holiday season in any family, but it's especially crucial in blended families. Begin conversations early with all co-parents and family members involved. Discuss schedules, traditions, and expectations openly. Ask what's most important to each person, whether it's specific traditions, time with certain family members, or special events.

Creating a clear plan in advance helps reduce the potential for misunderstandings or last-minute conflicts. This also ensures that children feel secure in knowing what the holiday will look like and reduces their stress from the uncertainty. 

2. Prioritize the Children's Needs

While it's natural to want to make the holidays perfect, it's important to remember that for children in a blended family, the holidays can feel emotionally complicated. They may have mixed feelings about spending time away from one parent or household. Prioritize what will make the children feel comfortable and loved, even if it means adjusting your own plans.

Allow the children to express their wishes as it relates to holiday traditions and celebrations. Maybe they want to keep certain traditions from before the family blended, or perhaps they want to incorporate new ones. The goal is to make them feel included, heard, and considered. 

3. Be Flexible with Scheduling and Create New Traditions Together

The holiday season often comes with high expectations for spending specific days like Christmas or Thanksgiving together. In blended families, though, flexibility is key. Rather than getting hung up on celebrating on a specific day, focus on the quality of the time spent together.

Sometimes, celebrating a day before or after the actual holiday can relieve scheduling pressures and allow everyone to enjoy the moment without stress. For example, you can have "Christmas Eve" a few days early or "Thanksgiving dinner" the weekend after. Creating these traditions can even become a special hallmark of your blended family. New traditions don't need to replace old ones. By balancing both the old and the new, you can respect the past while building a future together.

4. Understand Your Legal Documents and Manage Expectations

Most blended families have a Custody Order or Separation Agreement that dictates the holiday custody schedule, even if it only controls in the event the parents can't reach an agreement on a schedule. Be familiar with the schedule and the legal document provided as a tool if a disagreement arises. Is there a third-party neutral, such as a Parenting Coordinator, who can decide on a disputed item or date to keep you out of court during the holiday season? Does your legal document require that any modifications to the document be confirmed in writing? Whether it does or not, it is always a good practice to confirm all deviations from the schedule in writing, even if only through a text message confirmed by the other parent. 

It's common for people to place high expectations on the holidays, especially when trying to make everything perfect for their new blended family. However, it's important to recognize that blending traditions, families, and schedules can be challenging. Be realistic about what can be achieved and accept that not everything will go perfectly. You may not be able to make everyone happy all the time, and that's okay. Focus on creating a positive atmosphere and embracing the imperfections as part of the experience.  

Navigating the holidays as a blended family requires patience, communication, and a willingness to adapt. By prioritizing the children's needs, being flexible with traditions and schedules, and creating new memories together, blended families can enjoy a festive, harmonious holiday season.

This is a part of our November series: "Family Matters."  For more insights, click here.

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This article is not intended to give, and should not be relied upon for, legal advice in any particular circumstance or fact situation. No action should be taken in reliance upon the information contained in this article without obtaining the advice of an attorney.

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